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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550580">you’re the magic in my veins</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/prodbeomgyu/pseuds/prodbeomgyu'>prodbeomgyu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys Kissing, Drummer Choi Yeonjun, Flirty Choi Yeonjun, Just at the start, M/M, angst so light you barely see it, choi soobin king of the introverts, halloween party, im sorry im bamtoli, implied one-sided soogyu, just fun timez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:59:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/prodbeomgyu/pseuds/prodbeomgyu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For one night, Soobin lets himself fall into everything he’s afraid of.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin &amp; Huening Kai, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>160</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you’re the magic in my veins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>commission. &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Wow. Looking good, hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d appreciate it if you can let me have just one morning without your sarcasm.” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin glances at his reflection in the mirror, the checkered cardigan and worn-out jeans he wore paling in comparison to Kai’s Elvis costume that wasn’t too detailed, but still clearly better than the former’s attempt at dressing up—or lack thereof.</p><p> </p><p>In his defense, he had been completely unwilling from the start to attend the party, only being forced to go because Huening Kai wouldn’t stop bugging him about it at least four times a day. So why should he bother putting effort in looking good? </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been telling you about this for weeks already, you had time to look for a costume!” The younger chides, exasperated. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin rolls his eyes in response. “Well I didn’t want to.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll wish you dressed up better once someone your type approaches you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t because that won’t even happen and even if it did, it would lead to nowhere.” </p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, it’s your third year in college, the last time you went on a proper date was two years ago. Don’t you want to meet anyone new?” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin <em> does </em> want to meet someone new, he wants to say, he <em> does </em> want to finally go out on a date for the first time in years. The problem is that the people he tried to be with were never interested in him long enough to decide on commitment, always ending up bothered by Soobin’s inability to partake in anything that can have implications. They could ask him on a date to an amusement park and Soobin would decline because it’s a school night and he might wake up late. They could ask for a kiss in public and Soobin would refuse because he’s worried other people might get bothered. </p><p> </p><p>He’s not naive, he understands that this tendency of his is what leads to others getting bored of him until their initial feelings for Soobin fizzle out into indifference, but it’s not like he can simply stop himself from being afraid of consequences. </p><p> </p><p>Doing something just because they want to—how do people bring themselves to do that? It’s a question Soobin has tried to answer, but others were never patient enough to wait for him to know how to. </p><p> </p><p>“You know what, whatever,” Kai sighs in resignation at the lack of a response from the other. “Party starts at 9pm, it’s in 15 minutes, we should go.” </p><p> </p><p>The pair leave their dorm room and head to the campus’s largest frat house, its residents responsible for hosting. Upon entering, they’re immediately greeted by crowds and heart-thrumming beats coming from a live band playing. Who knew the house was that big for a band? </p><p> </p><p>“Oh this is cool, TXT are playing!” Kai practically yells into Soobin’s ear. </p><p> </p><p>TXT? The older feels his heart quicken, this time not because of the noise around, but because of excitement. </p><p> </p><p>The said band playing can only mean one thing: if they’re here, then so is the bassist Soobin has been crushing on. </p><p> </p><p>Knowing this, he takes Kai’s wrist and drags him towards the sea of warm bodies dancing in front of the musicians. Unlike them however, Soobin takes his time to stand still and simply <em> stare </em> at the pretty boy he’s been pining over. </p><p> </p><p>Truthfully speaking, his feelings aren’t <em> that </em> extreme, rather than painful yearning, they lean more into the infatuation part of the spectrum. </p><p> </p><p>After all, looking at the boy’s lean midriff exposed by the crop top he’s wearing, his long legs that are accentuated by the skinny ripped jeans and the fishnets under them, his shimmering glossed and glittered lips, and his clear passion in performing that intensifies his appeal altogether,</p><p> </p><p>God, who wouldn’t be infatuated with Choi Beomgyu? </p><p> </p><p>Soobin isn’t the only person who thinks this, the bassist is popular throughout campus. It’s not surprising, considering besides his looks, Beomgyu is also smart and kind and funny. </p><p> </p><p>And <em> so </em> out of Soobin’s league. </p><p> </p><p>They’re on completely opposite ends; Beomgyu is always the life of the party and Soobin doesn’t even like parties, nor any sort of attention. </p><p> </p><p>Judging by the way Soobin separated from Kai and is now pushing himself into the kitchen’s corner to avoid conversations with strangers or schoolmates he’s not close with, those facts become obvious. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t look like the type to be here.” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin turns to the voice and internally groans. Small talk with someone outside of his comfortable social circle is what he’s hiding from, and now it’s exactly what he’s about to get. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, it’s not a complete stranger, besides the fact that Soobin has one or two classes with him, anyone in campus would recognize TXT’s flirtatious drummer. “Uh, hi Yeonjun. Yeah I was pretty much forced here by a friend.” </p><p> </p><p>“I can see that on your.. costume.” </p><p> </p><p>The remark causes embarrassment to deepen the burn in Soobin’s ears. Maybe he really should have put more effort into his outfit. In an effort to divert the topic away from him, he mentions Yeonjun’s own costume. </p><p> </p><p>“I thought you’d dress… flashier.” Soobin trails his eyes over the other’s polo and slacks pulled together by suspenders, along with a simple black tie and a fedora. Based on rumors and the few, basic interactions he’s had with the older, Soobin knows Yeonjun is the type to show off; he’s confident in himself and understandably so. Hence his assumption about what the latter’s halloween costume would be. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah well, pretty boy over there,” Yeonjun cocks his head towards Beomgyu, who’s also in the kitchen concocting a drink for himself. “Is already doing that for the whole band, said he’s dressed as a bratz doll but I know that’s just his excuse to wear a crop top and fishnets.” </p><p> </p><p>“Can’t blame him, he knows he's gorgeous.” Soobin’s reply slips from his mouth without much thought. He stiffens when he realizes it and a fight-or-flight instinct awakens within him when he notices Yeonjun’s teasing smirk. </p><p> </p><p>“You like him, don’t you? Too bad he’s not interested in dating, at all. He doesn’t seem like it but he actually puts his studies over everything else.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know. But wait, I don’t like him!” The taller retorts, but it dawns on him that it’s exactly his sudden defensiveness that betrays him. “I seriously don’t, it’s just a small crush- anyway! What are you supposed to be?” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun raises a brow and contemplates between pressing further or letting it go. Thankfully, he’s nice enough to choose the latter. “Guess.” He unwraps a lollipop he fishes from his pocket and puts in his mouth, mimicking a cigar. The action is followed by finger guns and a sudden hardened expression in an effort to look cool. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin still doesn’t have a single clue though. “Uhm, I’m guessing a man from the 60s?” </p><p> </p><p>The drummer appears offended by the lame attempt at a guess. “No! Why does everyone keep saying that? I’m Clyde. Clyde!” </p><p> </p><p>“In my defense, a fedora and suspenders are really vague.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think you’d be the best judge for costumes right now.” </p><p> </p><p>The statement shuts Soobin up and reminds him again of how out of place he feels especially in events like this. After all, he’s <em> boring </em> Choi Soobin who can spend weeks indoors without getting bored—too afraid to try anything new. “I’m just really not used to this type of scene okay?” </p><p> </p><p>The brief somberness fails to reach Yeonjun. “Yeah yeah, I can tell. Have you even had a drink before?” </p><p> </p><p>“Was too worried about what would happen.”</p><p> </p><p>Surprise registers on Yeonjun’s face, before being replaced by mischief. “Not to be a bad influence, but I’m not letting you leave before I see you for once on the dance floor.” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun continues speaking to not give the other a chance to refuse when he notices him appearing indignant. “You don’t have to take shots and I’ll take you away the moment I see you too uncomfortable. I just don’t want you to be so afraid at least until you walk out of the front door.”</p><p> </p><p>The sentiment eases Soobin. Yeonjun had no underlying intentions, maybe he just pitied Soobin’s inability to take even the simplest risks, hence his suggestion to be more outgoing for at least one evening. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you say, Choi Soobin?” Yeonjun holds out a hand. “Be the Bonnie to my Clyde and let’s take over the night.” </p><p> </p><p>In that moment, Soobin convinces himself that it’s the thrill of trying something new that pushes him to slip his fingers with Yeonjun’s, and not the allure in the latter’s eyes enticing him to come closer. </p><p> </p><p>The introvert expected Yeonjun to introduce him slowly to the scene, maybe ask him nicely what he’s interested in doing. </p><p> </p><p>And not push him up the stage to sing in front of tipsy students. </p><p> </p><p>After the band’s performance, a karaoke system free for anyone to use was set. “Are you crazy?” Soobin attempts to push past the older, only to be held by the waist and put firmly back in place. </p><p> </p><p>“Calm down, not a single person in this crowd is sober enough to care whether you’re a good singer or not, just pick a song and do whatever the hell you want!” Yeonjun implores before pushing a microphone into the taller’s hands. </p><p> </p><p>With curious glances directed his way, Soobin is given the choice of staying on stage and humiliating himself, or running away and getting labelled as a cowardly kill-joy. He’s close to settling on the latter really, it’s not like he hasn’t been before. He’s come to terms long ago that he’ll always be a lame stick in the mud. </p><p> </p><p>But he doesn’t even get to decide, as Yeonjun picks a song in the karaoke machine and does it for him. When the booming intro of an electropop song begins, the apprehension tightening around each of Soobin’s nerves festers and coils like thorns around his chest. </p><p> </p><p>There’s nothing he can do now, he’ll mess up in front of everyone and they’ll remember and—</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Yeonjun squeezes his shoulder, it’s somewhat grounding and it reminds Soobin to stay <em> here </em> instead of letting his head get the best of him. Based on his brows pinched together in worry, the drummer must have noticed Soobin’s discomfort. “I’m right here with you.” </p><p> </p><p>The other is initially puzzled by the statement, but understands when Yeonjun grabs his own microphone and starts singing to the tune, taking eyes away from Soobin. He glances at the latter from time to time, waiting for him to begin without pressuring him to do so. </p><p> </p><p>As the drummer, Yeonjun is always in the back during performances. Hence, although his role is crucial to the band’s sound as a whole, the attention and screams of the audience are usually directed to the singer or whoever’s in front. In Soobin’s case, he’s typically preoccupied with paying heed only to Beomgyu and how his nimble fingers pluck his bass’s strings. </p><p> </p><p>So seeing him now with genuine exhilaration on his face as he sings the next words, face to face with the crowd rather than hidden behind, </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun looks so <em> bright</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Not like the sun, not in the way it makes you squint and cover your eyes and look away. </p><p> </p><p>But like the soft glow of a flame, in the way the light and warmth it emits bewitches you to move closer, evoking a desire to be touched, to be bathed in its presence. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin too wants to be illuminated from the inside out by the brightness Yeonjun can provide. </p><p> </p><p>So before he even notices it, he’s singing along to the older in a duet of lyrics and tunes interrupted by giggles and playful glances. It’s fun, Soobin suddenly thinks. It’s fun to sing in front of the audience laughing with them. But mostly, he begins to realize, it’s quite fun being with Yeonjun. </p><p> </p><p>Still high from the impromptu karaoke session, the next thing Soobin tells Yeonjun he’s interested in trying is a game of beer pong. </p><p> </p><p>They join a nearby group who recently finished a round. Soobin is caught off-guard when Yeonjun introduces him to the other students participating. He’s accustomed to being in the background with people either easily forgetting his name or not even bothering to know it. After all, who’s going to bother with the tall, lanky guy who tends to push himself into isolated spaces? </p><p> </p><p>So as bare minimum as it is, Yeonjun telling everyone about him made Soobin feel welcomed. Included. Like he isn’t just an addition to the older’s presence, like he’s there too. </p><p> </p><p>Based on how the people Yeonjun approaches all appear to revel in his presence, while the drummer responds by engaging in conversation with them as if they’re long time close friends, Soobin figures maybe it’s just part of Yeonjun’s natural charm—Yeonjun’s light, to make you feel seen. </p><p> </p><p>To neither’s surprise, Soobin still sucks at the game even after learning the rules, it’s his first time after all. It also doesn’t help that he’s playing against TXT’s vocalist, Taehyun, who’s somehow a fucking <em> god </em> at bouncing ping pong balls into cups. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin stares at the three red cups he has to down with dismay. He inhales heavily before taking three large gulps from one of them. </p><p> </p><p>The bitter taste immediately repulses him, his whole body crashing into Yeonjun’s on impulse. He can’t help it, it’s a subconscious habit of his to throw himself at the person next to him during spikes of emotions and sensations. In this case, an abrupt spike of disgust. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay yeah, definitely not a drinker.” Soobin removes his head from the drummer’s shoulder before laughing at himself, finding humor in how exaggerated his reaction from the beer must have looked. </p><p> </p><p>The warmth on his lower back disappears when Yeonjun’s hand slips away from its place there. Oh, Soobin didn’t even realize it, since when was it there? “Didn’t expect you to be anyway, here I’ll help you out.” The drummer easily empties the beer Soobin was previously holding, then proceeds to do the same for the rest of the cups. </p><p> </p><p>Cheers from the surrounding students erupt when Yeonjun finishes all three. <em> As expected from you </em> , some of them remark, while one jokes, <em> good job saving the boyfriend</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin ignores the latter statement because he thinks the drummer does too. But when Yeonjun winks at him with a smirk, the former has a hard time believing it. </p><p> </p><p>And as usual, it gets to Soobin’s head. Because why didn’t Yeonjun correct it? Does he not mind that others have started mistaking them as something more than schoolmates close to strangers? Is Yeonjun actually interested? It has to be nothing serious though, nothing intentional, considering the boy’s reputation. </p><p> </p><p>But if it is, would it be so bad?</p><p> </p><p>The thought had come to mind so casually, almost resembling his fleeting ideas that come and go within the span of a minute. </p><p> </p><p>And that very reasoning is what throws Soobin into a flurry of puzzlement and trepidation. He took the idea of possibly turning his night with Yeonjun into something more and accepted it so easily, as if he didn’t mind it, as if he was willing to explore it, as if perhaps he even hoped for it—even for one measly second. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re in your head again.” Yeonjun nudges Soobin’s arm with his own. He doesn’t move away after gaining back the latter’s attention. “You space out a lot, what do I have to do to keep your eyes on me?”  </p><p> </p><p>It’s <em> evil </em> how Choi Yeonjun is so good with words. Flirtatious remarks smoothly slip from his tongue like he knows spot-on what would make you melt. The thing is, especially for Soobin who’s no longer used to such type of attention, they’re actually working. </p><p> </p><p>“I-I’ll just go out for some air.” The slight stammer doesn’t escape Yeonjun and Soobin wants nothing more than to wipe the widening smirk off the drummer’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, looks like you need it. I wonder what got you so breathless?”</p><p> </p><p>Screw Choi Yeonjun, really. </p><p> </p><p>The pair end up in the frat house’s second floor balcony. Soobin asked to go alone but the other insisted that he should go with him, in case Soobin attempts to leave before joining the dance floor, which is apparently the main event according to the drummer. </p><p> </p><p>“This place is not my scene.” Soobin repeats for the second time that night as he observes the herd of dressed up students causing a ruckus even outside of the house. A fairy is currently in the process of spray painting the walls of the house while a ghost is egging them on. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you still came tonight then.” </p><p> </p><p>The taller rolls his eyes at the response. “Okay, I don’t know what suddenly put you in this mood, but I know you’re just saying that ‘cause you’re a flirt.” </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun raises a brow. “Being a flirt doesn’t make me a liar. I’m being as truthful as I can be, Choi Soobin.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you approach me tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>The abrupt change in topic catches Yeonjun off guard, his brows meet at the center as he ponders on what he should say, before the wrinkles on his forehead ease and he turns to Soobin with a proud grin. “I wouldn’t have talked to you if I wasn’t interested.” </p><p> </p><p>“Even with my lame costume?”</p><p> </p><p>“Even with the <em> lack </em> of a costume.”</p><p> </p><p>This elicits a chuckle from Soobin, whose expression soon turns solemn. “It doesn’t make any sense.” When he hears no reply, he takes it as a signal to continue. “You’re this cool band’s drummer and you go to all the parties and you’re friends with everyone. I have no idea what part of me caught your eye, was it the jeans I use three times a week?” Soobin ends his statement on a lighthearted note, but it’s ironically this time when the shorter picks up on the message beneath. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re not a stranger to me, Soobin.” Yeonjun starts, “I see the way you carry yourself and while you think that’s something shameful, all I can say it’s not always fun being the way I am either. I probably have memories of the very consequences you worry about.” </p><p> </p><p>This piques Soobin’s interest, how much is he missing out on? So he looks, really looks, at Yeonjun, thinking he’ll find answers. But instead of explanations, all the introvert sees are pink locks dancing along with the wind and eyelashes delicately touching skin with each flutter. He sees teeth sinking into the lush redness of lips and dark brown orbs glowing under the moonlight. </p><p> </p><p>“Tell me about them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Those consequences,” Soobin sees a wonder. “Tell me about them.” </p><p> </p><p>So Yeonjun does. while the other listens intently. In doing so, Soobin is unable to stop himself from making comparisons. </p><p> </p><p>Raised by an overprotective mother, he grew up mostly confined in his house with only books and his own toys accompanying him. Soobin couldn’t complain, didn’t even want to at the time, discouraged by the stories of accidents and kidnappings his mom told him to keep him inside. </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps the fear of what would happen if he went out of line never eased and never left.</p><p> </p><p>But at least right now, that’s what makes Yeonjun all the more fascinating to him. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’s thirty minutes till midnight.” The drummer suddenly brings up in the middle of his storytelling. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah so?”</p><p> </p><p>“The night will be over soon but you haven’t stepped foot on the dance floor yet. We should go now.” </p><p> </p><p>At the statement, Soobin is filled with the same dread he felt the second he left his dorm to head to a party. He’s been dragged all night to do things he never imagined himself considering at all, although overcoming them gave him a feeling of exhilaration that he’s sure won’t be surpassed easily soon, he’s also fine with his fear of facing the dance floor remaining that way: a fear.</p><p> </p><p>That thought must have been written all over his face, because Yeonjun holds a hand out again. Despite the determination in his eyes, there was doubt hidden beneath it too, worried of rejection.  “Come on Bonnie, follow Clyde one more time. Don’t you trust me?” </p><p> </p><p>And at the question, Soobin is filled with the same enchantment he felt the first time Yeonjun reached out to him. </p><p> </p><p>“I do.”</p><p> </p><p>The two smoothly maneuver between and blend into the crowd. Even under the radiant strobe lights and upbeat songs that urged his every muscle to move, Soobin becomes hilariously stiff. He doesn’t bother mustering a glare when Yeonjun makes no effort to laugh, he can’t blame him for finding his dancing (if you could even call it that) entertaining. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s because you’re still thinking so much! Stop thinking and just dance!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em> trying.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun shakes his head at the other’s movements. It would have been okay if in spite of his rigidness, Soobin was having fun. But the taller’s eyebrows are pinched together, his pupils are darting around, and the corners of his mouth are curved downwards into a frown, still troubled about whatever is in his pretty little head.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop worrying about embarrassing yourself,” Soobin flinches away when cool palms delicately cup his jaw, but the hands keep him in place and slightly pushes his head so he’d face the pink-haired male again.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop thinking about everyone else at all,” Yeonjun’s fingers get colder, or maybe it’s the younger’s cheeks that began burning warmer. “And only look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Soobin has been wondering all night how it feels to bask in Yeonjun’s brightness. He thinks maybe this is it. </p><p> </p><p>It’s vibrant all around yet all he can pay attention to is the man in front of him. Heart hammering against his ribs, alcohol and the high of trying something new still fizzling on his tongue, the world breathing and beating under his feet, euphoria coursing in his blood like it’s always been there.</p><p> </p><p>Soobin thinks he understands. </p><p> </p><p>To bask in Yeonjun’s brightness means to live.</p><p> </p><p>A much too enthusiastic student dances a little too hard and pushes the junior forward, large hands reach out to his waist to keep him steady. </p><p> </p><p>“You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah yeah, I’m all good,” Soobin giggles, he doesn’t know why but he does. Maybe it’s because of the thrill from… he’s not sure. Maybe it’s because of the thrill. </p><p> </p><p>He notices their proximity—or lack thereof—belatedly, realizing only when he feels a warm breath blow against his jaw. </p><p> </p><p>He wants to do it, and judging by how Yeonjun’s eyes have flickered downwards more than once to the taller’s lips, he feels the same. This distance would be so easy to close. </p><p> </p><p>Still thrilled, still bright, still alive. Soobin is back in his head again because he suddenly recalls that one spectacular moment he keeps hearing his peers and actors in coming of age movies talk about, but never understood. That one moment that will perfectly encapsulate the most frightening yet most marvelous parts of his youth. </p><p> </p><p>Is this it?</p><p> </p><p>Looking at Yeonjun as they’re on the dance floor, surrounded by people yet pushed into a space they can call theirs, Soobin wants to believe it is.</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun moves close until he’s closer, <em> closer </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Until the introvert dives in his own head deeper than he should have. He remembers that he was dragged into making this the one night for bad decisions and old fears. Despite his initial doubt, Soobin becomes okay with it because hangover from alcohol can be cured by aspirin and mocking eyes can be covered overtime by new gossip. </p><p> </p><p>But what’s the remedy for a kiss of recklessness from someone who you only see uncertainties with?</p><p> </p><p>He’s taken too many risks tonight and maybe this is the one he should step back from. </p><p> </p><p>Soobin’s heart lurches in panic and he takes a step back. “I can’t, I still like Beomgyu.” </p><p> </p><p>Shock and then hurt, those are the emotions in Yeonjun’s eyes that even the lack of decent steady lighting in the room are unable to hide. The younger has the urge to explain himself, but what is he supposed to say? Through the messy spiral of having to sort out his own feelings and pondering on what’s going to happen after, Soobin just isn’t sure. </p><p> </p><p>Fortunately, he manages to dodge a real confrontation when a figure drapes himself over his shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, I’ve been looking for you,” It’s Kai, breathing heavily and seems ready to pass out right then and there. “I feel so nauseous hyung, got too excited with drinking. Let’s go back to the dorm, please. If I’m going to throw up, I’d rather it be there.” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin slings Kai’s arm around his neck to help keep the tipsy male’s knees from buckling before turning to Yeonjun. He doesn’t face him fully, knowing that he’s responsible for whatever look the latter has on his face. Soobin only says a simple <em> I have to go </em> before heading out the door. </p><p> </p><p>It’s past twelve and the night is over and Bonnie leaves Clyde behind with the remnants of their crimes and without another glance. </p><p>
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</p><p>The following morning, Soobin doesn’t suffer from any hangover but decides to stay in bed in favor of tending to Kai and avoiding any possible encounter with Yeonjun. </p><p> </p><p>“Wow, this is like the first time I’ve woken up with you still in your bed. I thought you were determined to keep a perfect attendance?” Kai attempts to rise from his bed, but winces and remains lying down when he feels sharp pain all around his head. </p><p> </p><p>“Well I thought you needed my care more, so I skipped my first class.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bullshit, I had a fever before and you left me with cold medicine but that’s it, you still went to class.” </p><p> </p><p>Soobin exhales, there’s no use lying to someone who can see right through you. “Fine, I almost kissed Choi Yeonjun last night.” </p><p> </p><p>When he glances at Kai to see his reaction, the latter is a mixture of surprise and puzzlement. “Okay so you must have liked being with him last night, what’s the problem? Did you not want to kiss him? And what does that have to do with you skipping?” </p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to,” Soobin counters not a second later, he fancied the thought of closing the distance so badly, saying it wasn’t enough. “I <em> really </em> wanted to, it felt right, but I got scared at the last second and told him I couldn’t. So now I’m trying to avoid him.”</p><p> </p><p>“What scared you?”</p><p> </p><p>Soobin reveals to Kai what he couldn’t to Yeonjun. “The after. What happens after? We kiss and then what? He has room to hurt me, and I have the room to hurt him back. You know about his reputation, what if he was just playing? Or maybe he wasn’t but still what if we start dating and then he realizes he doesn’t want me or <em> I </em> realize I don’t want him and then everything goes to shit and then-“</p><p> </p><p>The male is cut off by a pillow thrown towards his face, not the response he was expecting for spilling his worries. “Soobin hyung, stop, <em> stop</em>. You’re making my headache worse.”</p><p> </p><p>Kai leaves his bed in a sluggish manner only to flop dramatically over Soobin’s shoulders again, his head resting there. “You’re talking like you’re gonna marry him, relax. You <em> just </em> hit your 20s, even if you do end up going on absolutely the worst date of your life with Yeonjun, one mistake won’t shape the rest of your life. Make them as much as you want! Chase the thrill of doing something without thinking of the consequences! Isn’t that what’s so amazing about the now?”</p><p> </p><p>The younger’s voice settles down into a more tender tone, he’s been around Soobin for a while and thus familiar with what makes him tic and with what makes him spiral, the future often seems to be the answer to both. “Don’t be so afraid and do what you want, hyung. You’re always so scared of the future when that’s not where you are, you’re right here, right <em> now</em>.” </p><p> </p><p>In all honesty, the talk doesn’t encourage Soobin enough to be more fearless in his far-future risk taking. </p><p> </p><p>But it at least pushes him to be a little less afraid right now. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun had merely looked at him with those eyes and reached out to him as he did that smile and Soobin was already stressing over a dream he hasn’t even started chasing yet. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m so stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you know. Anyway, I’m friends with Yeonjun’s roommate so I know his dorm room number. 104, near the performing arts building. And hey cook me ramen before you leave!” </p><p>
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</p><p>Soobin wastes no time running to the drummer’s unit, hoping to catch him still there. What if he has class right now though? Or even worse, what if he doesn’t want to see h—</p><p> </p><p>No, he shouldn’t get in his head again for something he doesn’t know for sure. All he can do right <em> now </em> is find out for himself. </p><p> </p><p>To his immense relief, it’s Yeonjun’s face that greets him when he tentatively knocks on the door. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” The taller immediately says in case the door would get slammed in his face. </p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun is nice enough not to do that though. “Uh, let’s talk inside.” </p><p> </p><p>The minute he’s inside, Soobin begins talking faster than he can think, a complete contrast to how his introverted self acted the night before. “I am so sorry for leaving you hanging last night, I actually really wanted to kiss you. But then I got worried about what we’d do after and then I spiralled and then- but then! I realized it’s fine to make a mistake every once in a while, not that I’m calling last night a mistake, just that it might be. No wait that sounded wrong too, I mean, no, well, I…” His voice dies as he realizes how senseless he must sound, sputtering and stumbling over his words. Because who’s Soobin if he’s not embarrassing himself somehow right? Nice. </p><p> </p><p>“You wanted to kiss me too?”</p><p> </p><p>Soobin swivels around to the pink-haired male. He’s initially confused, because is that the only part he heard from his whole rant? But decides he should continue. “I did, but I got scared of how we’ll act after. I know that’s not an excuse for leaving you without an explanation though, I’m not trying to make excuses. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, I really am.” </p><p> </p><p>“One more question.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you still like Beomgyu?”</p><p> </p><p>The query causes a temporary malfunction in the younger’s mind, unable to find its correlation to their current situation. However, for the sake of honesty, Soobin ponders on it seriously. </p><p> </p><p>If he were to be completely frank, he doesn’t have an exact answer. While he can’t deny the attraction pulling him towards Yeonjun, he also acknowledges that he’s been infatuated with Beomgyu for months, and that’s not going to change overnight. </p><p> </p><p>It might not be the answer the drummer is looking for, but it’s all Soobin has. “I’m not so sure anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good enough for me.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeonjun takes large strides towards the other before pulling him down by his collar to finally meet each other’s lips. </p><p> </p><p>Kissing him reminds Soobin of that night in high school he missed an amazing concert because he was afraid his mom would scold him for being dragged to it by his friends, or that day he was longingly staring at Kai’s pictures from his short trip to Geojedo. He was asked more than once if he wanted to come too, but he refused because he was worried he wouldn’t be able to make up for a test he had that day. </p><p> </p><p>Kissing Yeonjun causes him to recall every other time he took a step back and it urges Soobin to place a hand on the shorter’s neck to further submerge himself in all the warmth he has to offer. </p><p> </p><p>Because it’s liberating, it’s magic. Yeonjun tastes like every leap of faith Soobin has ever deprived himself of. </p><p> </p><p>When the pair separate, Yeonjun’s fingers are still clutching onto the latter’s collar. Knuckles white but his gaze is warm. “So, aren’t you scared this’ll just turn out as one of your bad decisions?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t lie, I’m still a bit worried. But if it really will be,” Soobin lowers his head once more, diving in for another electrifying experience of getting to be this close with someone so bright. </p><p> </p><p>There’s still some lingering regret for the past opportunities he allowed himself to pass on, and he’s sure it’s not going to be a habit easy to break. However, just as Kai said, he just hit his 20s. </p><p> </p><p>He has the time to learn, starting with the blazing beam of light in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Then it’s one I’ll be willing to make again.”</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i’m quite ia now, but if you still want to find me, my twt is @jjukkyumiz</p></blockquote></div></div>
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